Lesson One: Don’t
ever let anyone put you in a box.
You are gloriously jagged and flawed and
plump and full and there is no box on this earth that can hold you. If,
perhaps, there is a box that fits you today, tomorrow it will no longer suit.
You will grow slimmer in some areas as you learn to let go and say goodbye
while other pieces of you will expand as you learn and grow.
More than one box has been offered to me through the years.
Here is one: You are an Artist, therefore flakey, flighty, unintelligent, etc.
“This box does not fit!” Says the Artist with a Bachelor of Fine Arts in
Musical Theatre Performance and a Masters degree in Public Administration and
Nonprofit Management. A dichotomy? Probably. But nonetheless it is me and so I
politely decline that box.
There are so many examples of boxes that we offer to one
another. Perhaps the greatest victory of my journey was learning that I don’t
have to accept any of them. I am too liberal for this box and too conservative
for that one. I am too intelligent for this one and not nearly clever enough
for that one. Aren’t we all just a little off? Too pretty. Too plain. Too
funny. Too serious. Always too much or not enough.
You are better than any box that anyone will ever offer you.
Realize that. Own it. Don’t apologize that you don’t fit in. Celebrate it.
(Says the former sorority girl with the Star Trek costume hanging in her
closet). We are all mosaics, stained-glass windows, infinite pieces and parts
that together compose a fantastic creation. Don’t minimize it by squeezing into
some tiny little cube that someone else says should hold you.
Lesson Two: Realize
that you might never be content, and be OK with that.
I
have been perpetually divided against myself. I long for the Theatre and
everything about it. Makeup, costumes, sets, characters, intensity, the
audience, the show. Oh how I love it! And I am a mother. I’m not just a mother.
I am the particular variety of mother who wants to be there for everything! I
want to be the one to put my babies to sleep at nap time and bedtime. I want to
nurse them until they are old enough to ask for it in a full sentence. I want
them to be able to climb into my bed and feel safe. I want to hang their laundry
out to dry on the line because it is one little thing I can do to show I care.
I cannot do that, and also be away at a show every night, rehearsing every day.
I
had to choose. And I have to choose again and again and again as I continually
ask myself. “What am I doing here again? How did my life become so much less
glamorous than it once was?” I chose. And you know what? When I go back and
make those choices again I end up right here, right now. That means that I have
to make sacrifices for what I truly love. It means that I might have to
continue to lay part of myself aside for the sake of the greater self I choose
to cultivate. Life is made of seasons. In this season I am first and foremost a
mother. When that season ends I will long for it and rue the moments I did not
take the time to cherish. I will ever be longing for something I do not have
and that is OK. That is what makes me the person I am and it is what makes me
always strive for more. I am sure you have made sacrifices too. Accept them.
And if you have to, keep accepting them every day. I have sometimes envied
people who seem content with their lives just as they are but when I really
stop to think about it I recognize how very much I have achieved in my life
because of my discontentment. It is because I want something more or different
that I continue to strive and grow and change.
Lesson Three: Be inspired.
You probably expected this one
from an Artist, didn’t you? Life drains us. It robs us of our individuality
through the aforementioned boxes. It steals our dreams through the previously
addressed sacrifices. Don’t let it steal the beauty around you. It is
everywhere! Find what is beautiful to you and embrace it. C.S. Lewis talked of
his first experience with what he called “joy.” It was Nordic mythology. I’m
going to go ahead and tell you, that doesn’t do it for me. But Stephen
Sondheim? Oh yeah. That’ll get me going every time! (If you don’t know who that
is it’s OK. It might not be your inspiration!)
Lesson Four: Create SOMETHING!
I am in no way an artistic
snob. If you find fulfillment scrapbooking, then that is your art. Whether it
is painting, dancing, model trains or even Legos that is your inspiration, your
joy, take it and run with it. Just find time in your life to create something
from nothing.
I
have given birth to two amazing children and there is no feeling on earth like
bringing forth new life. All men should envy the power and gift that women
possess to usher tiny human beings into the world. However, I have also
listened as actors brought MY words to life onstage. I have listened as MY
songs were recorded by other Artists. Seeing, or hearing, your creation come to
life, come into the world, is bringing new life, new beauty into the world. It
is motherhood. It is fatherhood. You have a song. You have a story. You have
something inside you that is uniquely yours, and the world needs it. I cannot
sing your song and I cannot tell your story. Without your individual creation
and artistry, the earth is not nearly as interesting.
Being
an “Artist” is not a vocation. It is a way of life. It is an acceptance of
oneself as you are with a continuing desire to evolve. I am liberated. I no
longer feel the desire or need to conceal one part of my soul for the benefit
of the other. I am who I was meant to be. Desires, Talents, Dreams, Passions,
Hopes, and Flaws. I strive to grow, to evolve, to change daily. I am no one
close to the woman I hope to become, but I will embrace who I am. I hope you
will do the same. I am an Artist. Who are you?
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