Saturday, September 22, 2012

Don't blink or you'll miss the dance!

By: Guest blogger, Terry Staley

As Liza and I were sitting in our office, discussing deep intellectual and philosophical aspects of life, the subject of love came up. Liza, whom I consider a deep thinker, said she liked the idea of there being that one soul mate out there that you will come upon and know "this is the one" immediately, but in reality, she doesn’t believe in it.

As an older contemporary and having 40 years of experience in love, and 38 years of experience in marriage, I give you my humble opinion: love at first sight is a bunch of hooey.

A UPS driver told me one time he thought he was in love and found out later he was in lust; how true this is. When we meet that "one," we are all wearing our best face, acting on our best behavior and trying to impress. The true test is time.

I ask you now, how could I at age 14 know what love is? That is when I met the man of my life, my soul mate. At 14 you know nothing about life or love, but you know "everything". I fell hard for this person that went out of his way to show off and impress me. We courted for a couple of years and got married at the ripe old age of 16. I thought I knew what love was. I can tell you our life was not a fairy tale; there is no such thing. What I can tell you is we had good times, bad times and worse times and we grew into love. Do I think that the day I was born that the powers that be said, "You will meet, fall in love and be Tom's soul mate!" No, I don't. I think life is more like those books you get now where you get to a point in the book and it says if you think a certain action will happen then turn to page 63, if not turn to page 89 and you get a different ending but the beginning is the same.

My choices have brought me to where I am. I can think of many times when if I had made a different choice my story would have changed, I might even have had a different soul mate. I'll never know. When we said the words, "to have and to hold, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health till death do us part," we meant them. We were so naive when we said those things, but we grew into our love.

So in my humble opinion, there is no love at first sight, predestined soul mate and no fairy tale marriage. Love is two people attracted to each other and with work from both, not just one, it grows into a deep love that will last a lifetime. We make our choices and we make the best of them and we don't spend our lives second guessing ourselves, we take our lives and live them to the only get one.

“And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go.
Our lives are better left to chance.
I could of missed the pain,
But I'd of missed the dance.” - Garth Brooks

Dance on....


  1. What a wonderful, enduring story of life and love.

  2. Beautiful and just like your daughter Susie said she cried so did I. Your words are deep and touched my heart. YOU and TOM are a living example of this love. Carolyn Lee

  3. She's pretty wonderful, huh, folks? I'm telling you all, I couldn't ask for a better co-worker and friend. Terry keeps focus of priorities, never getting upset about stuff that really doesn't matter. She listens and offers feedback, but not necessarily advice; she knows when someone is just looking to be heard and I really think that she "gets me" most of the time. She is so insightful, even if she would never arrogantly think so. Only she and I can say "you know where we're going" and giggle. I'm just so glad I know her and Tom.

  4. I love you Mama Terry and Nannie Terry to our boys. :) I'm grateful for the choice you made in life and love. If it weren't for the LOVE of you and dad, I wouldn't have Chris and I could not imagine experiencing the rest of my life without your wonderful son by my side. Much, much LOVE.