Friday, June 4, 2010

If You Ever Read "Juicy" on Anything I'm Wearing, Please Punch Me in the Stomach

The Book of Not Awesome by Liza Turner
1. People who don't tip waiters/waitresses at least 20%. This is a horrible job - try to be understanding
2. When your ears won't "pop"
3. Weather forecasters who cut into your favorite program because some measly little tornado is somewhere
4. People who ask questions in class or at work clearly just to hear themselves talk
5. Rhetoric and loaded language as a way to avoid an actual intelligent discussion
6. Black licorice
7. I welcome the wrath that this is going to bring: overrated bands like Led Zeppelin and The Rolling Stones
8. People who act like they like overrated bands because they think it seems cool
9. People who claim to like what 99% of people would consider "odd" for the sake of being different, not because they really enjoy it
10. The black spandex pant and tank top/X-Small t-shirt fad
11. Ugg boots
12. Hot pillows
13. Any shorts or pants that have words/phrases on the butt
14. People who don't pick up after themselves because "someone gets paid to do that"
15. When shirts fall off hangers
16. Beer
17. Blue or red Christmas lights (however, the big multi-colored, old-fashioned strands are perfectly awesome)
18. Glitter
19. Wearing shorts in the car and having to constantly look down at your legs and think about how much you don't like your legs
20. Pop-up ads on websites, particularly those that have people talking really loudly
21. A weedeater that won't dispense line when it's supposed to
22. Guys who yell obnoxious, stupid things at girls walking or jogging. Has this ever in the history of man led to anything remotely resembling a date?
23. Not being able to reach an actual person when you call customer service
24. Having a horrible view from a hotel room
25. People who talk on their phone in public restrooms or while waiting in line to pay. Usually these calls, which everyone else is forced to listen to, are extremely important.
26. Covers that get twisted or stuck underneath you
27. Pajama bottoms that ride up
28. Wind on those days that you've actually fixed your hair
29. Trying to write a beautiful and thoughtful note and then misspelling something and having to mark it out
30. Waking up and seeing that every county around you is having a snow day, but not yours
31. Getting home and realizing that you forgot to do or buy the one thing you left the house to do/get
32. Not being able to think of or spell a really simple word
33. Losing one earring
34. Blunt people who claim to be "just honest" when what they really are is jackasses
35. Seeing 8 year olds on cell phones
36. Cars that drive 42 until they get to a passing area...Suddenly they go 87.
37. People who don't say "please" and "thank you" and/or who don't open doors for others
38. Lucky charms - surprisingly, the one completely unhealthy cereal I do not like
39. Really big, unnecessary things hanging from a rear-view mirror
40. Rebel flags
41. Loud people - just in general
42. Saying something really dumb or inappropriate and not being able to explain yourself
43. Having only one earbud that works (Thanks, C:))
44. Driving anywhere in Lexington
45. People who can't say "I'm sorry"
46. Having sand stuck everywhere
47. Eating a bunch at a buffet, not because it's good, but because you can
48. Turning 30
49. People walking on a floor that you just cleaned
50. One side of your hair or your face looking better than the other (I have said for years that the right side of my hair and my right eyelashes always look better than the left; not good, but better)

Am really looking forward to hearing your additions...:)
And, by the way, I will be out of town June 11-17. Would anyone like to do the Pillow Book entries for Friday (11th), Monday (14th) or Wednesday (16th)?


  1. I agree with SO many on your list. Here are a few of my own:
    1. People who think they are better than you at everything and have no problem telling you how great they really are
    2. People who ask questions during a meeting that someone else just asked, because they weren't listening to the first person's question
    3. Forgetting my shopping list (and everything on it)
    4. Actors or just people in general who feel the need to force their opinion on everyone else (especially when it comes to politics)
    5. Dusting--just as a general rule it's my least favorite chore
    6. Peeling after a really bad sunburn

  2. 1. When a good movie/book ends terribly.
    2. Someone eats your leftovers that you were really looking forward to.
    3. People who talk during movies.
    4. When your car dies in the middle of the road in a not-so-great area of town late at night.
    5. People who are incredibly closed minded.
    6. Getting the bottom of your jeans wet when it rains.
    This is a nice way to vent about little (and some bigger) things that bother you.

  3. Lodema- were you calling me out by your #2? :) Of course, you didn't say passing notes and making jokes during the meeting- so maybe you weren't talking about me!!
    Not sure if I can come up with 5 (fyi-I'm using a sarcastic tone here), but I'll give it my best shot:
    1. When you are so proud of your french toast and your husband says, "yeah, it's pretty good." In fact, adding "pretty" to any "compliment" is not awesome.
    2. People in positions of authority abusing their power.
    3. A bright red pimple on your chin (or nose), when the rest of your face is clear.
    4. Individuals that choose who they are kind to and who they show respect to based on what the other person can give to them.
    5. Back fat.
    6. Saying good bye to a child.
    7. Really dry, scaly heels.
    8. Weeds.

  4. Lindsey--I thought about that when I was writing the comment. If you're asking someone at the table or passing notes it doesn't count. I'm talking about the people who ask question out loud therefore prolonging the meeting and dragging everyone down. There's a difference. See?? ;-)

  5. 1. People who say that they hate sterotypes, yet are the first to assign them to others.
    2. Parents who think teachers are the reason that their child has difficulty learning (when we all know the value/importance of the home environment).
    3. Sunburn and razorburn in very delicate areas.
    4. Watching your husband's stupid shows because he is a TV nazi!
    5. Being on a diet and it taking so darn long to loose the weight!

  6. First let me say, impressive lists, ladies. No joke, EVERY one of yours bother me.
    Dema - Isn't it ironic how us teachers, or our co-workers (i.e. Lindsey Devore), often do the very things that drive us crazy when our students do them? And you're right, dusting blows.
    Alexus - We really are kindred spirits. The leftovers thing gets me every time. And don't even get me started on the wet jean bottoms.
    Lindsey - I'm torn on whether I want to talk about back fat or #1, but I think I'll opt for "pretty XYZ"-this was such a creative, but absolutely true, response. Pretty should never be an adverb. I wish I had thought of this one.
    Kristi - Gosh, you all are so good. I'm rethinking "glitter" and "pajama bottoms that ride up". I've decided that parents will quit blaming teachers on the day that men admit that their shows are stupid.

  7. okay, I may actually have to remove my #1. This morning, Devin asked if we could make my french toast again this morning. I responded by asking if he really like. He said, "Of course, I told you how good it was." My response, "No, you said it was pretty good." We then proceeded to have a conversation about the use of PRETTY. He won after he said that I was "pretty awesome." Well played Devin!

  8. I love all your Not Awesome lists! Here are a few of mine:
    1. Restaurants, stores, and theatres that run their AC so cold that I have to always bring a coat!
    2. The pop culture worship of people who have no redeeming qualities that I can identify (e.g. Paris Hilton, those Kardashian people).
    3. Guilt. For things that don't matter.
    4. Awkward pauses.
    5. When my kids fight.
    6. Really slow internet.
    7. Being far away from people I love. The phone just isn't enough.
    8. Being so busy that I wonder if I did anything meaningful or enjoyable for days at a time.
    9. Uncomfortable clothes.
    10. When I stay up to watch SNL and it's just not funny.

  9. That Devin, I tell ya what...:) Okay, fine: "Husbands who successfully dig themselves out of a hole": Awesome.

    Melissa - I hate it when my dogs are mean to each other, so I imagine I will be frustrated when any future children throw hairbrushes at one another like Leigh and I have done in the past. Other than that one, though, I am completely on board with all of your picks. I bring blankets into movie theaters, I feel bad for completely ridiculous things, and because staying up until 10:30 is rather late for me, I certainly feel cheated when it is all for naught.