Saturday, July 31, 2010

Synonyms: Listlessness, Tedium, Lassitude, Languor. Glad we cleared that up.

After we had exhausted every version of "U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi" and run out of people to embarrass via the "My name is [XYZ], YEAH, I love [boyfriend at the time], YEAH, and we're gonna win!, YEAH, alright, alright, alright," singing extravaganza, we would often resort to an invariably classy, tasteful, and mature game of "Would you rather..." ("we" being any random assortment of early-mid 90s Cumberland County ball players, cheerleaders, and/or Beta Convention attendees). I distinctly remember Stacy Melton and Lisa Morgan definitively stating that they would choose sliding down a hill of razorblades, only to fall into a pool of alcohol, over kissing some poor soul who had done nothing to invite participation in said ultimatum. True, having DVD players in cars, ipods and cell phones in pockets, and playstations in each bedroom may be turning kids into A.D.D monsters, but look at the bright side: at least most aren't playing "Would you rather" when they are supposed to be sitting silently and thinking about why the team lost.

Point 1: And I say this as a non-parent - ask me again in a few years and I may be too busy operating my van's multi-disk blue-ray player to answer - I still think I would prefer my kids play horribly mean, but creative and imaginative, games with each other (especially "Who Brought the Skunk?") than sit mesmerized by digital imagery for hours upon hours.

Point 2: I have played sports my entire life and I love being outdoors. I truly enjoy taking Lucy and Willie for evening walks. I like working with my hands and feeling as though I have actually accomplished something over the course of the day. If I sit around the house too long, watching TV or playing on the Internet, ennui takes over. With all this being said, however, I firmly believe that anyone who says that they enjoy exercise is a liar. [Clarification of "exercise" - the stuff that falls outside of games/competitions/activities - instead, the daily grind of treadmills, ellipticals, push-ups, etc.] Sure, we can bear it because it's good for us; it can occasionally be slightly less than painful because it gives us an opportunity to hang out with our friends; upon finishing, we know that we, both physically and mentally, feel better (I have always said that merely getting dressed [the build-up] is the hardest part; once ready, it doesn't seem quite so bad). BUT, "enjoy" is a bit of a stretch ("stretch"... get it? hilarious). Exercise, purely for the sake of exercise, blows.

The burdensome nature of exercise is on my mind this morning because for the past two days I have spent hours contemplating the type of exercise I should do, berating myself for not selecting any of the debated options, and then guilting myself for nonetheless partaking of birthday cake and county fair biscotti. While the logical solution is to merely buckle down and do something, I have a better idea. Rather than simply putting on my running shoes and some invariably mismatched work-out gear, I choose to play "Would you rather" on Pillow Book instead.

On this particular morning, here's all the stuff I would choose over exercise:
- Slide down a hill of razorblades into a pool of alcohol
- Ride on a school bus filled with song-singing middle and high schoolers
- Replace my crown molding with a border depicting basket-carrying forest animals
- Go to a Ke$ha concert
- Smile and wink at shoppers who leave their buggies in the middle of parking lots
- Make, and subsequently wear, pants with any number of phrases across the butt
- Wear glitter makeup
- Watch Inception again and pretend that it actually blows my mind
- Become an avid Farmville player
- Drive Nicholasville Road for 2 hours straight. In Dad's hoopie.
- Talk on the phone to every person in my call log...About lots of unimportant things that don't really need to be discussed.
- Stab myself in the leg with a fork
- Get a bowl-cut. Again.
- Walk on Centre's campus on a really windy day. With my bowl cut.
- Sit in a recliner with a snake
- Mess up my kitchen and not clean it until tomorrow
- Try on clothes in Abercrombie
- Cut my Avett Brothers shirts and make do-rags
- Watch a Seinfeld marathon that features Kramer and George only

This recipe is available on the blog of one of Lindsey's former co-workers. If you get a chance, check it out: Adventures in a Small Town Mine have not been sitting for 30 days yet...I'll give you an update in a couple of weeks.

Sweet Pickles (1 jar)
Small Whole Cucumbers
1 cup white distilled vinegar
2 Tbsp pickling spice
1/2 Tbsp Alum
1/2 Tbsp canning salt
Enough water to finish filling the jar

Place as many cucumbers in jar as possible. Place all ingredients in jar finishing with vinegar and then filling jar to the rim with water & place on lid and ring (these do not need to seal).

Let cucumbers set for 30 days.

On day 30:
Drain jar.
Rinse pickles and slice.
Return to jar and add 1 heaping cup of sugar.
Shake jars for 3-4 days to finish.
I will be starting a new job on Monday. I hope to continue writing on Pillow Book 2-3 times/week, but if any of you are interested in contributing, please let me know. It would be wonderful to have co-authors.


  1. What's wrong with glitter make-up? This reminds me of the time when I was home for the weekend from WKU. Of course I felt as though I was a woman of the world after a semester of living away from home (in a dorm with hundreds of other girls). I had learned some new make-up tips one of which was how to apply sky blue glitter eye shadow. Evidently the fad of that day (1971) was to put this sky blue glittery shadow from my lashes all the way up to my eyebrow. I thought I was "lookin' good" until my aged uncle (at the time I think he was 40) asked if I thought I was wearing enough eye shadow. What did he know? He was not as worldly as me. I felt sorry for him. I realize today that I should have thanked him.

  2. I loved this. I really wish you would do a Pillow Book entry. You are a good writer in and of itself, but more importantly, you are a storyteller. This just made me smile.

    Oh, and I don't think it was just a college thing. Remember that picture of you at your baby shower (Leigh) with you in the cute blue dress?:)!